Well apparently he's into motor boating.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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