Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
