Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
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