My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
