Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
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