Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I canβt even do that #singlelife
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ππππ
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