she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
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