Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Randomize
