sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
