I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Gay?
German.
Pity.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
