dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
