I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
