Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
