I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Randomize
