the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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