woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
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