We should be called the Road Head Warriors
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
