he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Randomize
