We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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