y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
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