I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
