Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
