I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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