The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
