The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
