He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
