When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
