he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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