He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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