The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Congratulations! We have a period
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
