Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
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i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
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I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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