So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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