Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
