our cab driver is having phone sex.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
