Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize