Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
