Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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