we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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