we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
the day after is always just damage control
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
