Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
