I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I don't want my vagina anymore.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
