Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
This is the high leading the old right now
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
i've created a new STD.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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