how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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