everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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