They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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