I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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