yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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