hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
