Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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