Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
