Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
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