my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Damn victory sex feels great
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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