My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
