it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
