Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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