I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize