I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
This house was built for laser tag.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
