ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
