i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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