i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Are we still banned from the library?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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