Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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